How often do you think about love? I mean, really, how many of your decisions are based on what you believe will secure love? How often do you wonder if you are loved? Or what you should do to keep that love coming? Do you ever doubt that the love in your life really knows you and loves you completely, as you are? And how much do you want to GIVE love? How often are you acting through love? Just being, just giving, out of that tremendous force that bursts from your heart? Without any expectation... just loving to love? And do you ever get frustrated with someone else's response?
A friend asked me yesterday do I believe in one true love. Do I believe in just one soul mate that we are each destined to love, that completes us. And everyone else in the room flocked to the conversation. Apparently this is something a lot of people contemplate. And my answer, seemed to surprise them.
I do believe in soul mates and I do believe in true love, but I do not believe there is only
one. There is no perfect match that will complete you. I believe you are already complete as you are. I love fairy tales. They are beautiful and inspiring and often do contain other life lessons while bringing hope to this sense of completion that is possible in life... and it is possible... but real life is a bit more complicated. And sustained relationships take a continued willingness to open, and reopen, and open again. I used to believe in One true love that would complete me. I used to believe that I needed that one true love to complete me. I searched for that one True love to ease my longing and give me purpose and prove my worth. Then I found it. And for a minute I did feel complete... at least I started to feel close to it... it did help me get there... but then the winds changed, the storm came, and one of us did not survive. At this point, standing alone, I recognized that I had not reached completion. Any sense of completion that is reached through anyone or anything or any role external, is false. It is a lie. That is not to say the love was a lie. The love was real... the moments of openness I had moved into, were a huge shift in my state of awareness and my ability to receive. But the completion I thought that love signified, was a false perception. All of my purpose, all of my worth, all of the "reason" was wrapped up around this other person whom I loved dearly and whom I believed completed me...
In my grief I stood stripped of all my identity, stripped of everything I had ever believed had given me value, and I recognized that without any of this, I still existed. And I came to the realization that existence is its own validation. "Beauty is its own excuse for being," so Emerson said, and for all things it rings true. There is purpose and reason for everything that is whether or not we understand it. All that IS is perfect as it IS... including me and you. I sat in awe of the beauty of the world around me that continued on without hesitation regardless of the earth shatters in my consciousness, and I recognized myself as a part of it. I recognized that I, too, was beautiful... and that I too, continued on. It was through this process of letting go and BEing, that I actually found my wholeness, that I actually discovered completion. Did that love help me get there? Yes. Did that experience help me get there? Yes. Was it the only way? No. Nor was it the only love.
After trudging my way through the devastation of losing the love I believed was my destiny... after watching all of the dreams I had ever thought to have dissipate into the mist... I discovered that I could dream again... that i could love again. I discovered that there was more love to be had
and that ultimately, once I was able to love myself, I could choose to love anyone. It's been a long journey of not loving myself and looking for completion in everyone and everything else and finally finding that and learning to expand my vision of what love is, what love can be, how far the possibilities extend. Love involves a choice. A choice that we have to be ready for. So to me, it is less about the person we are choosing and more about the timing of the choice.
We have many soul mates, and they each bring us lessons that bring us closer to a willingness to receive love. Love itself cannot be accepted until we are ready to make that choice. Once that choice is made there is love in everything. We see love in everything., We feel the love pouring from every experience, every interaction, and every element of the universe. We know that we are loved always and eternally. WE know that we ARE love. And we know that we can love as easily and readily as we are willing to open.
It's an ongoing process. I am complete. I love myself and I welcome the growth available through every moment. Most of the time I am open. I am open to give love, but sometimes, the person I am offering it to, is not quite ready to receive it. And I have to be okay with that. I have to be willing to keep loving and trust that when the timing is right, it will be received. I am a patient person, but I admit that this can be frustrating. People are not ready to receive love until they have recognized their own worthiness to receive it... People cannot truly accept and believe in love until they have found acceptance of themselves. This is because on a subconscious level, if we have not accepted ourselves, we doubt any love that comes in. We wonder if it is based on a false presentation. We wonder if that person would still love us if they knew what we really are.. which we of course are convinced in our state of non acceptance, is not enough.
Because of this love requires a willingness. It requires an acceptance on part of both of people, not only of one another, but also of themselves. One must love and accept themselves fully before they can open to fully to love from another. One must also be willing to love the other just as they are.. ready to fully accept them as well. We can continue to pour love onto another person indefinitely, and it is possible it may never be received. We can receive love from another indefinitely and it is possible we will never fully accept it. We move in and out of these states. We transition through places of acceptance and doubt, and the timing is all in that window. We must pass through a window where both people are open and willing in the same moment... that window of possibility opens the door for eternity. Once we have lived in that moment of love flowing both ways, we know it exists and we live in faith, in TRUST, that it continues, even when our doubts prevent us from fully accepting it.
So no, I don't believe in One true love. I believe in LOVE and its TRUTH. I believe in a lifelong process of growing and opening and blooming into a fuller experience of love, deciding whom we want spend our lives with and learning how to not just love, but to BE LOVE. I believe that if we can learn to love ourselves fully and completely, we can love anyone and anything in the universe fully and completely and we can open to receive that love as well. I look at the world and I see love everywhere in everything. Love radiates from the trees, the flowers, the clouds, the space, the chaos, even the challenges... Love and the need for love radiates from the heart of every man, no mater how aware of it he may be in the moment. Love IS.
It is not so much about finding the destined path or discovering the One person who can complete you... it's more about discovering how complete you already are and recognizing your ability to love anyone else that way.. .just as they are... and ALLOWING that flow.
What does this mean for you? It means, to take some time. to be still and to offer yourself compassion. It means to not wait for someone or something to "complete" you or believe that there's something that has to be found. It means, you can identify that thing that you need to feel complete, (which in my experience is most likely, love) and that you can be the source of it. You can love yourself. How can you do that? Go within and recognize the heart of your intentions. Acknowledge that you are always doing the best you can with what you know at the time. Accept all of your efforts, all of your mistakes, all of your successes, all of your feelings. Sit in the stillness allowing all of these things to melt away and repeat to yourself the affirmation "I am Enough." Allow that truth to settle in your soul. Allow it to grow and to flourish. You are ENOUGH.