Moving On UP
I was feeling pretty good about myself for a moment yesterday before it all came crashing. Did you ever have a day like that? A day where things are getting done and progress is being made despite the obstacles life seems to keep throwing at you? A day where you feel like you are finally getting somewhere... AND THEN.... suddenly and without warning... You DON'T!?
I worked for 3 hours in the bakery this morning and even got there an hour early to start at 4 am. AND I finished everything on the list in the 3 hours I was there.
I came home, edited, and recorded 7 of the 8 hypnotherapy scripts for my new program today despite the fact that I had to record and re-record them due to my kids calling downstairs to me again and AGAIN.
I managed getting my flu-ridden daughter to swallow her Tamiflu and Tylenol all on my own! (Trust me, this is no easy task)
I did the laundry and sanitized everything my daughter has come in contact with over the past 4 days... EVERYTHING.
I had a REAL conversation with my son who was apparently very scared about his sister being sick.
I managed to set up an Easter Egg dying process that didn't involve them grabbing all over each other or each other's eggs.
I fed both kids and the dog and myself at reasonable times of day.
I made it through the third day of my egg fast successfully and even prepared extra meals for tomorrow!
I cleaned out the fridge and put out the trash.
I took a shower and gave my daughter a bath. (Again, harder than you might think)
I scheduled appointments with 2 new clients and reached out to a few old clients about participating in a free run of the aforementioned program.
And I didn't really feel so good through any of it (terrible sinus headache).
I was a little disappointed that I didn't finish that last script, but overall I was feeling accomplished!
I finished my list and then some! Pats on the back! Awesome day!
I switched the laundry one last time and sat on the couch to check on the kids, feeling pretty good about my day and all that was accomplished. Moments later, my daughter puked on the couch. Looks like another load of laundry in store! I took the couch covers off and set them to the side. She fought me as I tried to check her temperature and administer the final shot of Tamiflu for the day. Wailing and swinging herself right to sleep on the naked couch.
As I gave up, I remembered I had appointments to cancel for the next day that I had not made the calls for yet. I made a mental note as I continued cleaning up the mess of the day.
I began to question the scripts I recorded and think about a few lines I might want to change.
My husband came home sick and went straight to bed.
So I cleaned out the fridge and put out the trash.
The sinus headache was getting worse. Pain and pressure and I wonder if that infection is back again??
I sent my older child to get ready for bed and awoke the sick child to address this medicine thing again. It took gummy vitamins and Mio water and lots of hugs to get it in... but it was finally done!
I put them both to bed and was about to go to bed myself when I remembered the last load of laundry to be switched, the dishes to be run, the dog to be let out, and the appointments to be cancelled, so I went downstairs once again.
In between finishing up the last of my chores I went to take my nighttime insulin, knowing full well that I am supposed to take 11 units. 11 units... that's all! But the dog was scratching to come in and I guess I wasn't paying enough attention to myself and I administered the shot and immediately realized I had taken 22 units instead! That's twice as much! I heard myself yell.
I yelled because I was thinking, "How could you be such an idiot?" And I yelled because I knew I was in for a night of hypoglycemic shock and the related pain. And I yelled because I am 3 days into a successful eggfast (the first 3 days of which weren't all that fun and are now essentially pointless) and I just ruined it because I am going to have to consume about a gallon of juice to combat this mistake! And I yelled because, it's a costly mistake that I just don't understand how I could possibly make! (And no, it is not the first time I have done such a thing)
In my defense, I do take 22 units in the morning, so it was kind of like reversing the dose, but that doesn't make the repercussions any easier to deal with. I let the dog in and drank some preemptive apple juice, and I slumped on the cold laundry room floor and began to cry.
I cried because I had the sudden and overwhelming realization that sometimes this stuff is really hard. It shouldn't be, and it wouldn't be on it's own, but with the rest of life thrown in.. It IS. I cried because I felt like a failure. And I cried because I realized that I am the one who makes it hard. I am so busy running around taking care of everyone else all of the time (my family, my clients, the world at large), that it is sometimes difficult to keep track of what exactly I need to do for me.
It's just one more thing to keep track of! (And we all know how those things sometimes fall of the list from time to time)
I know that I am important, valuable even. I know that what I do does not equate to what I am worth. I love me. But somehow in all the mental chatter and things to do, I sometimes need a reminder I am not my own primary focus. How do I change this?
How do I learn to prioritize myself a little more? How do I let mySelf take up a little more of my mental energy?
I have come a long way in this regard but somehow, I am always realizing there is further to go. Six years ago, I was not even able to pay attention to the quality of anything I ate in the day to day, let alone take the energy and time to complete an egg fast. It felt like too much to think about at the time. It almost feels like a lie to say that I am always doing everything for everyone else because I know that in reality I have made great strides and am doing much more for myself than I ever have before. Even so, it's obvious that I'm still not ranking on that mental list!
I may pay attention to my nutrition and take time to exercise and study and develop my business, but I am still not ranking my own needs at the top of my mental priorities!
I just let my straggly mutt's need outweigh my own willingness to focus on what I needed for my own health!
Clearly, I am not there yet!
It's okay. I acknowledge the process! And I admit that perhaps I did a little too much today. Balance is important. Knowing when to step back and take time for yourself is crucial to overall well-being. I know I've suggested before that we take 15 minutes of ME-time a day, and I do that in the morning before the day begins. But it is also important to give yourself 5-10 minutes BETWEEN tasks to settle and switch gears so that your focus can be maintained. I did not do that yesterday! Securing your position as a TOP priority on that list is KEY. Nothing else can be accomplished if we aren't taking care of ourselves first.
Sometimes we have to make a conscious effort to move ourselves up on that list. We have to stop and ask, what needs am I overlooking? And how can I bring them more into focus?
Maybe it's changing the order or the manner in which you do things. Maybe it's asking someone else to do something for themselves. Maybe it's getting the kids to let the dog out! LOL. Or maybe simply making the conscious decision is enough! It's up to you! Ask and you will get an answer! Go with it!
Today I am reminding myself that I am important. I am reminding myself to prioritize my own needs and my own health. And I am contemplating how to actually schedule more time for myself in my day. I am restructuring my evening routine to make it easier to meet my own needs first! I am moving myself up on that list! Are you?
You Are Important! Let your list reflect that!