Moving On UP

I was feeling pretty good about myself for a moment yesterday before it all came crashing. Did you ever have a day like that? A day where things are getting done and progress is being made despite the obstacles life seems to keep throwing at you? A day where you feel like you are finally getting somewhere... AND THEN.... suddenly and without warning... You DON'T!?

  • I worked for 3 hours in the bakery this morning and even got there an hour early to start at 4 am. AND I finished everything on the list in the 3 hours I was there.

  • I came home, edited, and recorded 7 of the 8 hypnotherapy scripts for my new program today despite the fact that I had to record and re-record them due to my kids calling downstairs to me again and AGAIN.

  • I managed getting my flu-ridden daughter to swallow her Tamiflu and Tylenol all on my own! (Trust me, this is no easy task)

  • I did the laundry and sanitized everything my daughter has come in contact with over the past 4 days... EVERYTHING.

  • I had a REAL conversation with my son who was apparently very scared about his sister being sick.

  • I managed to set up an Easter Egg dying process that didn't involve them grabbing all over each other or each other's eggs.

  • I fed both kids and the dog and myself at reasonable times of day.

  • I made it through the third day of my egg fast successfully and even prepared extra meals for tomorrow!

  • I cleaned out the fridge and put out the trash.

  • I took a shower and gave my daughter a bath. (Again, harder than you might think)

  • I scheduled appointments with 2 new clients and reached out to a few old clients about participating in a free run of the aforementioned program.

  • And I didn't really feel so good through any of it (terrible sinus headache).

I was a little disappointed that I didn't finish that last script, but overall I was feeling accomplished!

I finished my list and then some! Pats on the back! Awesome day!

I switched the laundry one last time and sat on the couch to check on the kids, feeling pretty good about my day and all that was accomplished. Moments later, my daughter puked on the couch. Looks like another load of laundry in store! I took the couch covers off and set them to the side. She fought me as I tried to check her temperature and administer the final shot of Tamiflu for the day. Wailing and swinging herself right to sleep on the naked couch.

As I gave up, I remembered I had appointments to cancel for the next day that I had not made the calls for yet. I made a mental note as I continued cleaning up the mess of the day.

I began to question the scripts I recorded and think about a few lines I might want to change.

My husband came home sick and went straight to bed.

So I cleaned out the fridge and put out the trash.

The sinus headache was getting worse. Pain and pressure and I wonder if that infection is back again??

I sent my older child to get ready for bed and awoke the sick child to address this medicine thing again. It took gummy vitamins and Mio water and lots of hugs to get it in... but it was finally done!

I put them both to bed and was about to go to bed myself when I remembered the last load of laundry to be switched, the dishes to be run, the dog to be let out, and the appointments to be cancelled, so I went downstairs once again.

In between finishing up the last of my chores I went to take my nighttime insulin, knowing full well that I am supposed to take 11 units. 11 units... that's all! But the dog was scratching to come in and I guess I wasn't paying enough attention to myself and I administered the shot and immediately realized I had taken 22 units instead! That's twice as much! I heard myself yell.

I yelled because I was thinking, "How could you be such an idiot?" And I yelled because I knew I was in for a night of hypoglycemic shock and the related pain. And I yelled because I am 3 days into a successful eggfast (the first 3 days of which weren't all that fun and are now essentially pointless) and I just ruined it because I am going to have to consume about a gallon of juice to combat this mistake! And I yelled because, it's a costly mistake that I just don't understand how I could possibly make! (And no, it is not the first time I have done such a thing)

In my defense, I do take 22 units in the morning, so it was kind of like reversing the dose, but that doesn't make the repercussions any easier to deal with. I let the dog in and drank some preemptive apple juice, and I slumped on the cold laundry room floor and began to cry.

I cried because I had the sudden and overwhelming realization that sometimes this stuff is really hard. It shouldn't be, and it wouldn't be on it's own, but with the rest of life thrown in.. It IS. I cried because I felt like a failure. And I cried because I realized that I am the one who makes it hard. I am so busy running around taking care of everyone else all of the time (my family, my clients, the world at large), that it is sometimes difficult to keep track of what exactly I need to do for me.

It's just one more thing to keep track of! (And we all know how those things sometimes fall of the list from time to time)

I know that I am important, valuable even. I know that what I do does not equate to what I am worth. I love me. But somehow in all the mental chatter and things to do, I sometimes need a reminder I am not my own primary focus. How do I change this?

How do I learn to prioritize myself a little more? How do I let mySelf take up a little more of my mental energy?